Why isn't this kind of story reported on the regional news?

Last night, a friend of mine - he's called Jamie Hawkey, you might have heard of him, certainly you will have done by the time I get on Parkinson - stopped an entire train because he needed to use a toilet.

He can't remember which station it was, but he thinks it might have been Royston or Baldock. Perhaps if you were there and saw anything you could let me know? He's about 5 ft 10, red in hue, was probably singing to himself and was weeing on a grassy verge next to a phone box.

He actually stopped a whole train to do so.

He tells me, "I knocked on the driver's cabin door, and said, 'All the loos are locked shut, and I am DESPERATE to go to the toilet.'" (Apparently he considered using a bottle but feared it wouldn't be big enough, and it was too windy to pee out of a window.)

So the driver stopped the whole train.

The moral of this sordid tale, I suppose, is that one shouldn't get on a night train after drinking seven pints of bitter and a bottle of water.

Or, if you prefer to read a more positive message into the story, the moral is that it's perfectly okay to get on a night train after drinking seven pints of bitter and a bottle of water, because although all the toilets will be locked, the driver will be perfectly happy to stop the train for anybody with a full bladder.

Why not try it? I'm going to. Be sure to use the word DESPERATE, and do let me know how you get on!