improvised theatre

May 06, 2004

Why isn't this kind of story reported on the regional news?

Last night, a friend of mine - he's called Jamie Hawkey, you might have heard of him, certainly you will have done by the time I get on Parkinson - stopped an entire train because he needed to use a toilet.

He can't remember which station it was, but he thinks it might have been Royston or Baldock. Perhaps if you were there and saw anything you could let me know? He's about 5 ft 10, red in hue, was probably singing to himself and was weeing on a grassy verge next to a phone box.

He actually stopped a whole train to do so.

He tells me, "I knocked on the driver's cabin door, and said, 'All the loos are locked shut, and I am DESPERATE to go to the toilet.'" (Apparently he considered using a bottle but feared it wouldn't be big enough, and it was too windy to pee out of a window.)

So the driver stopped the whole train.

The moral of this sordid tale, I suppose, is that one shouldn't get on a night train after drinking seven pints of bitter and a bottle of water.

Or, if you prefer to read a more positive message into the story, the moral is that it's perfectly okay to get on a night train after drinking seven pints of bitter and a bottle of water, because although all the toilets will be locked, the driver will be perfectly happy to stop the train for anybody with a full bladder.

Why not try it? I'm going to. Be sure to use the word DESPERATE, and do let me know how you get on!

Posted by James Lark at May 6, 2004 10:34 AM