War of the Worlds

Steven

I want to make a big film ... something huge, something epic.

David

What about Exodus?

Steven

I just knew I should have kept that one for myself.

Josh

How about War of the Worlds?

Pause.

Steven

Aliens are big.

David

Right. Really big.

Steven

Actually, we could make them bigger.

David

Really?

Steven

With special effects and stuff.

David

Cool.

Steven

So what else happens in the book?

David

Aliens come down ... I dunno, I never read it.

Steven

Me neither.

Josh

I have ...

Steven and David

Shut up, Josh.

Steven

Can it have a dysfunctional family in it?

David

Yeah, and they can be reunited at the end!

Steven

Survival through adversity!

Steven and David

It's about the human spirit!

Josh

No it's not, it's about unwarranted aggression by a superpower.

Steven and David

Shut up, Josh.

Steven

It's about the human spirit.

David

And there's got to be a kid.

Steven

Make it a girl this time, boys freak me out.

David

Okay - a super-smart girl who pays attention to everything.

Steven

And screams.

David

And we can have a bit where they all have to be really still because if they move the monster will know where they are.

Steven

I like it - and people can be plucked off the ground by the monsters -

David

Bellowing monsters.

Steven

- bellowing monsters, right. And sliced in two, yeah.

David

Can it have someone killed while they're on the toliet?

Steven

This is, like, a national emergency! No one's going to the toilet in this film!

David

Right, sorry. Oh, this is going to be so cool!

Steven

It's missing something, though.

Josh

Hope?

Steven and David

Shut up, Josh.

David

A train! It needs a train, where people are trying to get vital information out to, to - to the military. But it's being attacked by the monsters, and the phones keep on going wrong -

Steven

Can't it just be on fire?

David

(Grumpily) Okay.

Steven

So we've got an underdog hero guy, with a broken marriage and kids who can't stand him, he's attacked on all sides by huge monsters that kill people indiscriminately and can't be stopped. He's got to get his kids through this - I don't know, this huge part of America where these monsters are, and back to the safety of the kid's grandparents.

David

And at the end, the kids respect him.

Steven

Cool. Thanks, guys.

Josh

Erm ... what about the monsters?

Steven and David

Shut up -

David

No, he's right. We've got to get rid of the monsters, otherwise like New York belongs to the aliens.

Steven

Is that such a bad thing?

David

I like New York. (Shrugs)

Steven

Okay ... how about they die.

David

Well duh.

Steven

Don't 'duh' me, David.

David

Sorry. How about they die because ... because there's something they need to eat, but they can't get it on earth.

Steven

Something essential to the life process ...

David

I'm thinking something chemical. An amino acid?

Josh

In the book they get killed by bacteria.

Steven

I knew I should have read the book.

David

That's great! It's like not eating something you need, but the other way round. And it kills them off just in time for our hero to get his kids home. No, wait a minute - that sounds too quick, too clunky.

Steven

I like it.

David

How about he gets the kids to safety, and then the creatures start to die, and we see the lead characters flying away from the wreckage as the military starts the cleanup operation?

Steven

I said, I like it.

David

(Grumpily) Okay.

Steven

So, who do we get to play the lead role?

Josh

Tom Cruise?

Steven and David

Shut up, Josh.