More shocking developments

Neighbours might have got a cheery new title sequence with cartoon backgrounds, but there's nothing cartoony about the programme any more. Since Harold's attempted murder of Paul, Ramsey Street has become a dark, unsettling place.

Harold now walks around with trance-like music playing in the background and delivering scary religious voiceovers to himself. Paul has upped the security surrounding his house and swears bloody revenge on whoever strangled him, alongside lines like "I feel like I'm living in my own nightmare".

There was a tense confrontation in which Harold popped round to Paul's house with some mince pies, meeting his unsuspecting victim's eyes unflinchingly as he no doubt planned a way around the tightened security for his next murder attempt. The whole thing is like film noir meets arthouse cinema and it's unbelievably compelling. With all of that excitement, frankly who cares if Ned's family don't approve of his career or whether Steph gets treatment for her cancer?

Bring on a spin-off series featuring Harold as a Godfather-like figure and Paul as a young mafia upstart, each making multiple murder attempts against the other every episode whilst the inhabitants of Ramsey Street get diced in the crossfire.